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As I’ve continued to increase the my coaching practice I’ve become much more aware of something Dr. Richard Bandler has said several times at the seminars I’ve attended in Orlando. He has emphasized that we have to “chide” or tease our clients in order to show them that what they’re doing is silly and this has become more evident to me as I’ve had more and more opportunity to teach people that they’re not broken, just doing something stupid. By showing them through teasing that their problem is a result of what they’re doing and not who they are it becomes easy to take their nominalizations and break them down into processes and install new strategies.

Now I have to hasten to add, that chiding is not the same as being a total A**hole. We don’t have to make people cry to see that they’re doing something silly. After all, they’ve probably cried a lot over their problems. By making them laugh about what they’re doing they begin to make neurotransmitters i.e “Brain Juice” as per John La Valle that generates neuroplasticity and helps them become open to seeing that they have options.

During the March 2015 Seminars in Orlando, I had the opportunity to watch Dr. Bandler use a very simple strategy that we can all adopt. He asked the demonstration subjects how much time they spend thinking and worrying about the thing that is bothering them. Then he multiplied that time over a week, then a month, then a year and ten years and asked the person if that was a good plan. If he just treated them like their friends, relatives and therapists, he wouldn’t have built an Away From strategy that powerfully in order to prepare them for something better as he set the stage for installing a great propulsion strategy. After all 10 minutes a day doesn’t sound like a lot until you add it all up over time but by shying away from that we do our clients a disservice.

By being too worried about their feelings we fall into the same trap that therapists do in buying into their current limiting belief. So in order to be a kind and caring person you have to embrace that old Nick Lowe song, “Cruel To Be Kind” but the key line is “Cruel to be kind in the right measure”. After all the best teachers we had if we’re really honest weren’t the ones that were always our friends but the ones who pushed us to be our best.

James Seetoo is an NLP Trainer and NLP Coaching Trainer who is the author of the Bestseller, “The 5 Keys To Hypnotic Selling”. He is in the process of writing his second book “Lose Your Mind And Come To Your Senses” out later this year.