Every year we’re confronted by the prospect of the dreaded New Year’s Resolution. And we’re told that now is the time to make all the changes that will make our lives better in the New Year.
And yet, we’re always changing so what is it about a new year that makes a change at this time more powerful and in fact, is it? Well, let’s look at things more closely. If making changes at New Year’s is the best time to make a resolution to change, how is it that so many resolutions are made over and over again every year and still not fulfilled?
Every year at the annual resolution fest we find ourselves and possibly our friends saying – “This year will be different” – what’s going on here? Why didn’t you make a change last year?
The answer is you have made a change. You’ve made many changes. You’ve just been making these changes to stay where you are. Those of you who ride motorcycles and bicycles know that in order to remain stable, you have to keep moving and in order to stay stuck where you are you also have to keep changing. You’re just changing or rather, adjusting to maintain your position.
This is a powerful mechanism that you’ve developed over time. You’ve been practicing it so long you’ve developed unconscious competence. The question becomes, is it the appropriate strategy to get you what you want?
The answer goes back to understanding what you really want, not what you don’t want. I see this over and over in my clients: “I don’t want …” and so it’s vital that you push your clients and possibly yourself if you’re working on yourself with answering “What do you actually want.” Now, some people are a bit resistant to stating what they want because they’re conditioned to not ask for things and so avoid disappointment but realistically, they’re just perpetuating their disappointment.
It’s important for you to relentlessly push your clients to state what they want in positives. Over and over again, when I ask what a person wants, I get a list of what that person doesn’t want and have to say, “OK, so what do you want?”
You’ll find that just bringing people back to the Well Formed Outcomes and using the Meta Model prior to going into any techniques that a great deal of your work will have already been done by directionalizing your client’s thoughts and getting that person moving in the right direction. Once you have movement, then you can point them in the right direction and utilize the existing mechanism they’ve built over the years.